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I used to be a people pleaser and went through a horrible few years where I never felt good enough because I didn’t have a one true love and everything I did was wrong because it didn’t match what those around me were doing. We have to get out of that headspace of trying to fit into what some twit (no matter if it’s mommy, daddy, your best friend or Cosmo) tells us is the ‘ideal’. Despite all this, I definitely think of myself as a romantic, but it’s more of a romance on my own terms. Is a relationship the ideal for me? Who knows? If it happens, I’m open, but I’m not gonna sacrifice my sense of self on the altar of matrimony. I’m happier now that I’m living my life with no responsibility to anyone but myself. St. Valentine can bite me.

And what about those dreaded holiday blues we singles face every year? Medical studies show that married people are less likely to suffer from depression during these times than their single counterparts. Unless of course your marriage is more like Britney and Kevin pre-crazy, in which case, never mind.

Of course we can’t forget the best part of being single during the holiday season: those family get togethers. The table is filled with love and food and questioning glances your way. Though no one would dare ask if you’re seeing anyone; especially not your mother who admires your independence and as she serves you a slice of pie (which she made from scratch because that’s the way daddy likes it best) oh-so-casually mentions that your cousin Blah Blah is getting married. Isn’t that nice? You’d have to be deaf to miss the pitying and urgent tone in her voice.

Darrien, a jeweller explains that it’s not just moms who seem to want their offspring tied up in happy little homemaker knots, “My dad married twice so for him he really liked being in a relationship and is very lonely now. He projects this thought on me all the time and always wants to know if I'm dating someone yet. He can't understand that I can be content alone because he is not.”

Not that your siblings are all that different from your parents. Janet, an insurance claims professional relates this sad tale, “My married siblings just came back from a cruise with their spouses. I wasn't invited.”

So while half of us are looking for Mr. Right and finding only scores of Mr. ‘I’d Rather Stick a Chopstick in My Eye’ , the other half of us are perfectly happy playing the field and enjoying the buffet of hot men who like us, are just looking for a fun, guilt free time.

Are we living our lives to the fullest either way? Sonia, our university graduate sums it up best. “I think its human nature to feel that the person living the life opposite ours is the one that's truly happy. Relationships are very hard work and I've had moments when I've doubted my choices and wondered if I'd have been better off just dating casually, but in the end I know I've made the right decision for me.”

Regardless, we should remember that our ancestors fought for women’s rights and that right includes being able to live life the way we want. So whether it’s the fairytale or free love; we’re making the choice. I think they’d be proud.

Article 2

Hooking Up Or Happily Ever After?

We women don’t burn our bras anymore. We have overcome. We can vote, have babies or not if we so choose, carry our own bags and we can even get out of our side of the car all by our lonesome, but are we really happier than our less liberated ancestors?

Has our hard won right to equality lived up to the dream, or are we still yearning for the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and the prince on the white horse to come sweep us off our feet? Granted, today’s prince is a strong, yet sensitive man who understands our needs, fulfills them, and certainly doesn’t expect us to stay in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Does this paragon exist? And why in this day and age are some of us still looking for him?

While that nightmare book a few years back ‘The Rules’ seems to have thankfully gone the way of disco, pet rocks and those creepy little Troll dolls; today’s woman seems to be feeling pressure from both sides of the spectrum, those who feel she should want the fairytale and those who feel that a life of single-dom, with its sexual freedom and responsibility to no one but ourselves is the way to go. Who has the right idea?

Jill, a business analyst, offers, “I think it's different for everyone. I would not choose to pursue a relationship, but I am comfortable as a one. I feel complete as a single woman, where I'm sure there are people who do not feel complete without a partner.”

While Sonia, a recent university graduate believes that, ‘There's more substance in a committed relationship than in a casual hook-up, it's about friendship and trust and the sex is just a bonus, whereas a hook-up is usually just about the sex.”

So what about those single gals that insist while married people tend to fall into a sexual rut, hooking up with a guy with no emotional strings and no baggage offers excitement and re-affirms their status as strong, independent women going out there and getting theirs? Does sex with the same guy get boring after a while or is there a comfort in knowing the combination to your honey’s safe, as it were? On the other end, is a random hook up as exciting as it’s portrayed to be or is there a danger that you’ll get stuck with the one guy who:

a) thinks the G-spot is the new rap artist signed by Dr. Dre or

b) had a previous hook up with a woman who was apparently some kind of female contortionist?

Nearly all of us had that one guy in high school that you went steady with for the simple reason that you were sick of being the single one in your group of friends. Being the third wheel was a fate worse than death and while we try and pretend we’ve outgrown such childish peer pressures, try being the single one at a wedding. I’m happily single and usually think nothing’s wrong with the life I have but when my best friend got married two years ago, I could feel the weight of people’s judgement on my shoulders. It’s usually then that I start to doubt and wonder if I’m living life the right way, as if there is such a thing. I think that’s what actually contributes to the high rate of depression in singles. It’s the weight of everyone else’s expectations bearing down on you , blocking you from living the life you want.